Other than $4.00 a gallon for gasoline, that is. Something has got to give.
Well, for starters, let’s talk about mullets. Why are there some men (and oh my gawd … women) still donning this hairstyle? Sure, it may come back like disco did. Probably not. No one remembers when disco got popular again? Exactly my point. Bell bottoms? Yeah … they got popular again. Another one season wonder. But mullets, gentlemen … and oh my gawd, ladies … let the mullets go. It’s 2008. Even if they make some weird sort of comeback … like the 60’s beehive hairdo did … remember that? Exactly my point. No one remembers that. No one wants to. Women didn’t look attractive back then with beehive hairdos and men don’t look attractive now with mullets. Actually, they didn’t do much for many men who wore them when they were in style. And the bald guy mullet. Come on. You’ve seen them. Thinning hair to baby bald on top, short around the ears, and that mop straggling behind their shoulders. Ugh! It’s like they’re saying … “this is the only place I can grow my hair.” Guess what? Be bald. I have a full head of hair and I shave the damn thing between crew cut to bald, depending on the season. Want to know why? Extremely low maintenance. And if you’re a woman and you’re wearing a mullet … well, let’s just announce to the world right now, whether you’re out of the closet or not … what side of the sexual gender fence you enjoy mowing your lawn on. Pun intended, I guess. Seriously, ladies … let the hairdo go. Put the mullet down and step away from the hostage.
Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. Hmmm … wait a tick. I watched this video music thing on television the other day. Maybe it was just a band playing on one of the sets of the 200 late night hosts we now have competing with one another. Remember when it was just Johnny and Dave? It’s like now if you’re a B-level celebrity you get a chance for a daytime or late night talk show … or a guest spot on some stupid reality television show … but before I get into that rant, I want to discuss what I noticed about every freakin’ band member that was playing on that stage. Ever hear of a reverse-mullet? That’s because I just coined it that way. What’s a reverse mullet, you might ask me. Go ahead. Ask me? I’ll wait then. Did you ask me yet? Well … funny you should ask. A reverse mullet or an opposite mullet is when the person decides to wear their hair long in the bangs and on the sides and shaves or cuts the back of their head only. Now I’m no fashion guru … hell, I said I shave my head. I don’t care what people think or say about me, personally, but I never had a mullet and I’m not going to join the reverse mullet celebration. Want to know what looks worse than a mullet in my opinion? A reverse mullet. And … oh my gawd … it’s in style now! Please, someone stop the world. I wanna get off.
Enough of the hairdos. Let’s get into the B-level celebrities. It’s a short rant because I’ve already exposed the way they get to appear on television and get seemingly famous. I was watching Court TV the other night. Oops. I mean … Tru TV. Not Reality. Actuality. I wonder if they’re going to sue me over this? I don’t care. It’s not them I really had the problem with. It was the show I was watching. It seemed mildly entertaining at first. I’ve seen a couple others with the same premise of sorts. It’s called “The Smoking Gun Presents …” and then it goes onto different venues from their. For example … The Smoking Gun Presents … Worlds Dumbest Criminals and so on and so forth. It’s a cute idea, don’t get me wrong. And like I said, it’s mildly entertaining. What bugs me about this show is the cast of B-level celebrities and people who never even were frickin’ celebrities making comments on the videos that expose the stupidity of others. The first one I saw had Amy Fisher on it. The Long Island Lolita who shot Joey Buttafuoco’s wife in the face and went to jail for it. She’s easy on the eyes … until she opens her mouth and that cheesy Nyu Yawk accent spews out of her mouth like fire from a dragon. Someone give me a cap of corfee and a hatdawg. Yikes. Then there’s Tonya Harding. Remember her? She hired her (then) boyfriend to club her colleague and competition in figure skating so she couldn’t perform for the Olympics. Nancy Kerrigan. Remember her? She’s the cute one that never got rich and famous for doing anything like Harding did and yet they allow this Harding chick to appear on all kinds of reality shows, including boxing … now that was the best idea ever … to make money. Give me a frickin’ break. Do we need to know what opinion Tonya Harding or Amy Fisher has to say about criminals videotaped doing something stupider than they did before they spent their own time in prison? Do you want to know what makes these B-level celebrities even look more intelligent? <nods head> Yep. The idiots they show on the videos breaking the law and getting caught doing it. Then, we have Danny Bonaduce, Leif Garret, Todd Bridges … all mixed in with some A-Level lawyers and journalists and it makes this really weird concept for a show. They show a stupid criminal or a really bad driver or whatever the topic of the show may be for the week and then they go to the B-level celebs to hear their comments … which are generally straining for humor … and as I was watching the show, I felt like getting up and clubbing Tonya Harding in the knee cap. I didn’t feel like buying a new TV, though. The funniest one is Danny Bonaduce and I can barely stand this guy. I didn’t even like him when he was Danny Partridge, but at least he didn’t think he was God’s gift to the world way back then. He seemed more humble and innocent … until he grew up. Isn’t that supposed to work the other way around, Danny? I’m still a big fan of “The Best Week Ever” on VH1. That’s where they have real celebrities and then they have real comedians comment on the weeks’ footage of the celebrities. Yeah … it’s the same idea, but much more entertaining.
Which now leaves me with just enough time for one more thing in this warped world where gasoline is now $4+ a gallon. AOL. AOL is alright, I guess. I can’t say too much … I’ve been a member since 1999. I think I started on AOL 3.0. I can’t remember. I’ve used Yahoo and some of the others, but I like the way AOL is set up and when they don’t fart around with it every six months, I can seemingly navigate around the Internet fairly well with it. Someday, when I grow up … I wanna have high speed. Guess I’ll have to move to the city. Fat chance of that happening. Anyway, I’m getting away from my point. I’m not sure if other Internet services use the same kind of format for their news so I’m only going to pick on AOL. Gotta problem with that? Here’s the poop. You read this truly engrossing breaking news story. Sometimes it’s written by AOL journalists and sometimes it’s copied and pasted from AP news, et al. That’s not what I have a problem with. That’s not what is bugging me. It’s the stupid forum below the story that they allow the other AOL members to participate in and discuss the topic of the article. Even if someone intelligent tries to comment or give a remote critique about the article, they are lambasted by illiterate idiots who rant and rave and carry on in different subject matters and then start calling each other names … that ends up having nothing to do with the article that was written and the forum was intended for. Oh my gawd, people. Has anyone in the great United States and beyond ever thought of that old adage that your momma taught you? If you don’t have anything good to say about something … don’t say anything at all. Shut the fluff up and quit exposing your lack of intelligence and the fact you couldn’t fight your way out of spelling “B” if the life of your first born depended on it. Shut up. No one wants to hear your opinion. Just because AOL thinks it’s cool to allow people to voice their opinion on topics ranging from extremely important to passé, doesn’t mean you have to show everyone what you have no idea about. If you kept your mouth shut … even under the anonymity of the Internet … just don’t bother. And AOL … for crying out loud. Is this an option that has honestly proven a successful track record? Is every educationally challenged person across this globe written you and told you how wonderful it is that they can comment on the news you report? Let me ask AOL, this … do you see nightly newscasts report the news and then open the phone lines to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that want to call in and show how stupid they can get? No … you do not. So stop doing this. And I know what you’re going to say. Why? Because it’s exactly what I would say if I were defending this rant for you in a court of law. Do you want to know what’s stupider than allowing the educationally challenged and beyond to comment on all the articles you report? The people who read them. That’s the same reason Soap Operas and Professional Wrestling are still popular.
Let’s all try something different while were griping at the pumps. Let’s bring a little class and dignity into our own personal worlds. If you see something that bugs you. Shout it out. Oh wait a tick. That’s what AOL would want you to do. Forget I said that.
My rant is done … for today anyway!
Jody L. Campbell
Posted at: 11:55 AM | Add Comment
